A Memorial Song for Someone You Lost: A Gentle, Practical Guide
How to make a personalised memorial song for someone who has died: what to include, choosing the tone, and using it at a funeral or celebration of life.
If you are reading this, you may be planning a funeral or a celebration of life, or facing a first anniversary without someone. A personalised memorial song can hold the things a eulogy cannot fit: the way they laughed, the phrase they always used, the place they were happiest. This guide goes through it gently and practically. There is no wrong time to make one, and no rush.
What a memorial song can do
A tribute song does not try to sum up a life. It catches the person: the small, ordinary details that made them who they were. Played at a service, it gives everyone in the room a few minutes to remember the same person at the same time. Played later, on birthdays and anniversaries, it keeps their story in the family's year.
It will not fix grief, and it does not need to be perfect. Families often say the song that meant most was the simplest one.
Gather the details together
Memorial songs are best made with other people. Ask the family, over a meal or in a group chat, to answer a few questions. People often find it easier to share a small memory than to talk about the loss itself.
- What did they always say?
- Where were they happiest?
- What did their hands do? Gardening, baking, fixing things, holding a fishing rod.
- What made them laugh until they could not breathe?
- What will you miss on an ordinary Tuesday?
- Was there a song, a team, a dog or a place that was always part of them?
Small is bigger than big
"He whistled the same three notes every time he parked the car" will mean more to the people in that room than "he was a wonderful man". Choose the details that make people smile through the tears.
Choose the tone
Think about where the song will be heard first. The same person can have a quiet song for the service and a lively one for the gathering afterwards.
| Where it will be played | Style | Mood |
|---|---|---|
| A funeral or memorial service | Ballad or Classical, with piano or strings | Calm & cozy or Emotional |
| A celebration of life | Folk, Country or Soul | Nostalgic or Celebratory |
| Scattering ashes, or a goodbye outdoors | Folk with guitar | Calm & cozy |
| A first anniversary or birthday | Ballad or Soul | Nostalgic |
| For a grieving child | Lullaby or Folk, simple and gentle | Calm & cozy |
When the lyrics are hard to read
When the lyrics come back, you may not want to read them alone. Ask someone close to read them first, or read them together. You can change any line before anything is sung: correct a detail, soften a line, or take out something that does not feel right.
If the family cannot agree on the tone, make two songs, one gentle and one celebratory. Many families end up using both.
When you are ready. Choose "In loving memory" as the occasion and share the details your family gathered. You will see the full lyrics first, and you can change every line before the song is made.
Create a memorial songUsing the song at a service
- Tell the funeral director or celebrant early. They know how music is played at the venue and where in the service it fits best.
- Bring the file two ways. Download the MP3 and bring it on your phone and on a USB stick. Venues differ, and nobody wants to be looking for wi-fi on the day.
- Choose its place. It works well during a photo slideshow, after the eulogy, or as people leave.
- Print the lyrics in the order of service. People like to read along, and they keep the paper.
- Add the link for later. Print the song's share link, or a QR code made from it, on the back of the order of service so family and friends can listen again at home.
After the service
A memorial song often matters more in the months that follow. Families play it on birthdays, on the anniversary, and at the first Christmas without them (our family Christmas song guide has a gentle section on that). Send the link to relatives who could not travel, and keep a downloaded copy safe so the song never depends on one phone.
If Mother's Day or Father's Day is the hard day, a song made for that day can help too. Our guide to a song for Mom includes ideas for a mother who has died.
For a pet who has died
Losing a dog or a cat is a real grief, and a song can honour that too. Use the same questions: their name and nicknames, their habits, their favourite spot, the walk they loved. Pet songs often lean warm and a little funny, because that is how people remember them.
What it costs
Your first Ribbontune song is free when you create an account. After that, songs come in one-time packs from $9, with no subscription, and every song includes the full track, cover art, a share page and an MP3 download. Human songwriters who write memorial songs usually charge $100 or more and need several days, so if the service is soon, check their lead times first.
